Blog Update!

Hey guys! So I just wanted to let you all know that I’m going to be making a few changes with this blog. First things first, you must know upfront that I am a major perfectionist…like the most perfectionist perfectionist you will probably ever meet. With that being said, the fear of not being perfect makes doing easy things really hard. Like this blog for example. While I absolutely love writing and I’m really passionate about it, I barely post anything I write because I don’t think it’s good enough. In my critical eyes, if it’s not perfect, I can’t post it. And you know what? I’m sick of that mindset. My blog was supposed to be a place for me to share my ideas, be creative, and put my thoughts out there for everyone to see. It was supposed to be a place for me to WRITE for goodness sake! But I spend so much time editing and rewriting and obsessing over every word that it takes all the fun out of it. So from now on, things are going to change. I’m going to write and I’m going to write frequently. I’m not going to worry if I have flawless grammar or the most appealing synonyms or any of that crap. Because honestly, some of the most beautiful things I’ve read are flawed and that’s what makes them beautiful. So be prepared for many more posts (hopefully daily but don’t hold me to it). This is a place where I’m going to share whatever’s on my mind, whether it’s a deep life lesson or something funny that happened that day. It’s going to be real and raw and honest. Oh and not perfect, definitely not perfect šŸ˜‰

XOXO the recovering perfectionist,


For Those Of You Who…

For those of you whoĀ want to give up…

Don’t. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. I know that the pain is deep right now and you feel like you can’t go another day, but let me tell you something…you can. You see, the crazy thing about life is that there are all these things we don’t think we’re going to survive. BUT THEN WE DO. The pain may last a day or a month or a year, but we survive. And let me remind you something. Those thoughts in your head that are telling you to give up? That it’s not worth it? That you’re not important?Ā LIES. I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve laid in bed at 3 AM being tortured by my thoughts. I know how it feels to be in a dark place, to feel like it’s never going to end, that life is never going to get better. I’ve wanted to give up on life before. I’ve wanted to make the pain end. But something has kept me going day after day. Something has made me stay. Find that something in you. You’re a fighter, you’re a conqueror, you are a warrior. And warriors don’t give up. Oh, and one more thing: don’t you dare take this out on your body. I’ve been down that road and it’s a dark and scary path. Self harm? Eating disorders? Numbing the pain with drugs/alcohol? It doesn’t help. It will only bring you deeper into the dark. Your body did nothing wrong so do not, I repeat DO NOT, punish it.

For those of you who areĀ heartbrokenĀ over someone…

Heartbreak. It’s real, it’s hard, it’s a process. Yet, the world tells us that a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a chick flick will make it go away. We’re told to “get over it”, that he/she “isn’t worth it”, oh and my personal favorite…”There are other fish in the sea.” I don’t think there has been one instance in the history of the world where someone has felt better after hearing that statement. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: don’t ever say that. It doesn’t help, it minimizes the pain, and quite frankly, it’s annoying. Because you know what? Maybe that person wasn’t just a fish; maybe they were your sea. Your world. Your everything. And now here you are, trying to figure out how to go through life without them. Looking through old pictures, old messages, wishing things could go back to the way they were. Thinking and rethinking and overthinking and thinking some more about what went wrong. Late nights, blank stares, and tear stained cheeks. Battling whether you should remember or forget the memories, keep or delete the pictures, hate or love them for what they did. It’s normal, darling. It’s normal. What most people don’t understand is that heartbreak is a loss just like any other type of loss. It’s a grieving process. So let yourself grieve, let yourself feel, let yourself cry. I’m not going to tell you that it’s going to be easy, to find someone new, that time will make it better. But I will tell you one thing: if you are meant to be together, you will end up together. That’s just how it goes. God has already got it all figured out so just trust in the process. If this person really is your soulmate, your one and only, your sea and not just your fish, you will be together in the end.

For those of you who are CONFUSED

For those of you who don’t know what to do, who feel like they’re not where they thought they would be in life, who are torn between a decision…can I tell you a secret? Everyone else is just as confused as you are. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. Slightly comforting, huh? Life, unfortunately, does not come with an instruction manual (although there are times when I really think I would benefit from a “Life for Dummies” book). So that leaves us all trying to figure it out on our own. Yes, some people may seem like they have got it all together, but let me tell ya..I bet they were just as confused as you are at some point. Life is about trial and error. You live and you learn and you keep going. You try new things and sometimes you succeed and sometimes you fail but you keep on trying. Yes, I know you’re confused. You don’t know what to do. You feel like life is pulling you in 93438 directions. Or maybe that’s just me? I’m 21 and most times, I feel like a lost dog. There are so many things I want to do with my life, but I don’t know where to start. I’m confused about the people in my life, the purpose of my life, the “WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING” part of life. I’m overwhelmed with confusion and decisions and choices that could determine my future. But when I start to feel this way, I take a step back and remind myself that the confusion is in my head. Our mindsĀ like to make things more complicated than they really are. Most of the time you have 2 options: yes or no, do it or don’t do it, stay together or break up. Your head will overthink and complicate it, but your heart? It knows. Deep down, you know what you’re supposed to do. So do it.

And last but certainly not least….for those of you who areĀ HAPPY…

Well hello my little rays of sunshine! Life is pretty good now, huh? You can’t really relate to all of those sad things I just talked about above, could ya? Well, let me tell you, that makes me happy. I am thrilled that you are doing okay, that you are in a good place today. But do me a favor, would ya? Remember this moment. Remember what it’s like to feel happy, to feel content, to feel alive. Because I’m not trying to be a debby downer, but there will probably come a day when you can relate to the things above. You’ll want to give up, you’ll find yourself heartbroken, you’ll be confused over one thing or another. And in that moment, I want you to rememberĀ THISĀ moment. I want you to remember that yes, you can be happy. Yes, things will get better. Yes, you are capable of living a life of joy. But in the meantime, bask in your happiness like it’s the sun on a hot summer day. Smile and dance and spread your happiness everywhere you go and with everyone you meet. Your happy self is your best self so let yourself shine. Let yourself be carefree. Let yourself be happy.

And for those of you who hated this post and wish it was over…

Your wish is my command šŸ˜‰


Redefining Beautiful

“You’re not beautiful for what you look like. Being pretty doesn’t make you beautiful, being ordinary-looking doesn’t make you beautiful either. You know what is beautiful? Kindness is beautiful. It really is. Chivalry is beautiful. Respect is beautiful. Love is beautiful. Empathy is beautiful. They run deeper than the skin. They really do. They appeal to people’s souls, not to their lust. Remember that.” -Oshin Ahlawat

Beauty. It’s something that this culture craves. It’s something that people get wrapped up in. And it’s something that society demands. But you know what else it is? It’s something that has been twisted into something that it’s not. Beauty in this world is defined as a pretty face and a hot bod. It’s clear skin and blue eyes and blonde hair. It’s nice clothes and perfect hair and don’t forget that bleached white smile against sunkissed skin. It’s bullshit. That’s what it is.

Friends, we’ve got it all wrong. That’s not beauty. I know you’ve heard it a million times but one more time won’t hurt: IT’S THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS. “Yeah yeah. We know, Tatum.” But do you? Do you really? We all (myself included) get wrapped up in beauty because…well, it’s pleasing to look at. But that’s why our cultures struggles so much with things like lust and selfishness. We know in our hearts that the inside is what really matters, yet we judge people by what they look like before we even know them. We spend hours perfecting our appearance, money on surgeries to “fix” our “problem areas”, and precious time on things that DON’T MATTER. Yep, you heard me right. BEAUTY DOES NOT MATTER. At least that kind doesn’t. But, there is another kind and it does in fact matter. A lot, actually.

Being kind. Being gentle. Loving your neighbor as yourself. Having an open heart, an open mind, an open door. Your thoughts, your attitude, your actions. How you treat people. How you treat yourself. The words you say. The way you make people feel. Your soul. It all comes down to your soul. Is it beautiful?

You see, beautiful things don’t ask for attention. That’s why nature is so beautiful. The sun rises and the sun sets whether we watch it our not. The mountains don’t scream for us to climb them, to look at them, but boy are they beautiful. The waves of the ocean. The leaves of a tree. The blades of grass and flakes of snow and drops of rain. I mean, come on people! We are surrounded by beauty. Beauty that does not ask for attention, demand approval, orĀ seek validation.

What if we, as humans, were like that? Humans that didn’t ask for attention, demand approval, or seek validation. Humans that worked on things like kindness and humbleness instead. Humans that lived for the approval of God, not of man. Because when it comes down to it, those are the things that last. The things that people remember, that God remembers. When I go back and think of all of the beautiful people I have met, I don’t remember what they looked like or what they were wearing. But I do remember how they treated me. I remember their big hearts and kind souls. I remember their gentle spirits and encouraging words. I remember their beauty. Their inner beauty.

“Charm can fool you. Beauty fades. But a woman who has respect for the Lord should be praised.” -Proverbs 31:30

There ya have it, folks. Charm? It can trick ya. Which I personally think is a good thing because I’m super awkward. Beauty? It fades. Bye bye. Respect for the Lord? Respect for others? Respect for yourself? JACKPOT BABY.

Oh, and one more thing. The dumb blonde thing? It’s got to go. Pretending you’re stupidĀ as a way to be cute? It’s not working. Educate yourself. Intelligence is intriguing.

“I remember when I was younger and I wanted to be beautiful; now I’m older and I want to be intelligent. I want to burn hearts with brilliance and engulf souls with compassion. I want to be loved for my thoughts and nothing else.”

I found this quote a few days ago and I can’t even explain how much I feel this in my heart. That’s why I write. I want people to fall in love with my ideas, my words, my mind. You might not know what I look like or think I look “beautiful” on the outside but quite frankly, I don’t really care. If you love my words, you love me because this is me. My favorite quotes? I have no idea what their authors look like. But I love them. Putting your soul on paper (or on a computer screen) is a whole different type of beauty. It’s raw and revealing and scary sometimes. But it’s beauty, none the less.

Let’s all be beautiful today. Let’s show the world that kindness is cool, chivalry is not dead, vulnerability is not weakness. Let’s be compassionate and gentle and selfless. Let’s redefine beautiful.

XOXO Tate ā¤