It Is Finished

So I was watching a sermon this morning and the pastor pointed out Jesus’s last words on the cross. I’ve read these words thousands of times, but their significance never hit me until today. Three simple words that hold the weight of the world, the weight of my heart.

“It is finished.”

Just let that soak in for a second. It. Is. Finished. What’s done is done. The past is in the past. Time to move on.

A big problem I have is living in the past. I let it consume me, control me, stop me from moving on. Whether it be a past relationships or mistakes I’ve made, words I wish I never said or things I wish I never did, I just can’t seem to let these things go. They haunt me and taunt me and constantly remind me of all the ways I’ve failed.

But these words “It is finished”…they take away all of that guilt. That relationship that ended? IT’S FINISHED. That mistake I made? IT’S FINISHED. Those words? Those actions? THEY’RE ALL FINISHED. So why am I letting it hold me back still? Or rather a better question to ask is why can’t I forgive myself if Jesus already has?

I mean, that’s what it all comes down to. I know that Jesus has forgiven me. I know He looks at me with loving eyes and a tender heart, wishing His daughter would give herself the same grace He so easily gives me. I can picture Him stroking my hair and collecting my tears in His hand, just hoping I will let Him take it all away. He can do that, ya know. He can take it ALL away. But there’s one thing I have to do: and that’s LET Him. I have to let him. Get to that point where I throw my hands up and whisper “This is it” and be willing for Him to rid me of my guilt, my shame.

Something that I constantly remind myself is to love and let go, love and let go, love and let go. I’m the type of person that loves with my whole heart. I’m all in with everything I do, with everyone I love. Which is great until it doesn’t work out, which brings me to the letting go part. That’s my issue.

How can I let go? How can I move on? I’m not a forgive and forget type of person; I’m a forgive and beat myself up about it for the next 10 years’ type of person. (I don’t recommend this, by the way). For my whole life, I’ve thought that letting go means forgetting, moving on, acting like whatever happened didn’t happen. But I’m starting to realize that’s not what letting go is at all. Letting go is a release – a release of control, of regret, of bitterness. It’s a release of that person, that situation, that heartbreak. It’s not a matter of forgetting, it’s a matter of CHOOSING to not let it affect you anymore.

I’ve found that Jesus is right (I mean, He usually is). The past is in the past. Me beating myself up about it and torturing myself with memories will not change what happened. It will only make me miserable. And He doesn’t want that for me. Heck, I don’t want that for me. So today, I’m making a leap of faith. I’m taking a risk and letting go (this is a big deal for a control freak like myself.) But I’m doing this because I need to, because I should’ve done it years ago. I’m letting go and letting God. Letting him take away my hurt and refill it with His love. Believing in my heart for the first time that it is finished, it is done. I’ve loved and I’ve lost, but now it’s time to move on. After all, IT IS FINISHED.

XOXO Tate

Why I Write

There are different ways to capture moments. Some take photos, some draw pictures, but I? I write. What I see, what I smell, what I hear, what I feel – I write it all down in the memory bank of my little blue journal. Once it’s written down, it’s there forever. I can go back anytime I want and relive that moment over and over again. There are just some things in life I never want to forget and for that reason, I write.

But what about those things in life I do want to forget? That boy, that situation, those words that hurt me so very deeply. I write them down too. It seems as if the more I write, the more the pain goes away. I find myself releasing that boy, that situation, those words so that they can no longer hold me hostage. Once they get written down on paper, their power fades away. Sometimes the only way out is through. Sometimes you have to feel the things you no longer want to feel in order to release them forever.

But, you see, I also write down the feelings that I wish would never go away. Happiness! Peace! Falling in love! I write about these things with fire in my heart and passion in my eyes. These are the stories I’m going to tell my kids one day, the stories I’ll be glad I wrote down. I’ll look back and smile and remember how good life really was. Until I flip the page and remember…

…when life got bad. In these times, I write the most. I write the words I wouldn’t dare speak aloud and the words I can’t seem to force out. I write between the sobs and the screams, between the nightmares and the dreams. I write because my journal won’t judge me like the people out there will. My scariest thoughts, my biggest fears, my deepest regrets – I write them all down and after, I feel better. Slowly but surely, the darkness drowns out and the light floods in.

Once I’m in that place of light, I keep on writing. I remind myself that life is worth living and God is worth praising and that there are always things to be thankful for. I write about the hopes and dreams I have for my future and the steps I must take to achieve those hopes and dreams. But when I sit down and really think about, there is only one step I need to take and it’s actually quite simple: keep on writing.

So that’s why I write. To remember and to forget, to capture and to let go, to get myself out of a place of darkness and into a place of light. This is the best story I will ever write because this is the story of my crazy, beautiful life. This is why I write.

XOXO Tate ❤