There are different ways to capture moments. Some take photos, some draw pictures, but I? I write. What I see, what I smell, what I hear, what I feel – I write it all down in the memory bank of my little blue journal. Once it’s written down, it’s there forever. I can go back anytime I want and relive that moment over and over again. There are just some things in life I never want to forget and for that reason, I write.
But what about those things in life I do want to forget? That boy, that situation, those words that hurt me so very deeply. I write them down too. It seems as if the more I write, the more the pain goes away. I find myself releasing that boy, that situation, those words so that they can no longer hold me hostage. Once they get written down on paper, their power fades away. Sometimes the only way out is through. Sometimes you have to feel the things you no longer want to feel in order to release them forever.
But, you see, I also write down the feelings that I wish would never go away. Happiness! Peace! Falling in love! I write about these things with fire in my heart and passion in my eyes. These are the stories I’m going to tell my kids one day, the stories I’ll be glad I wrote down. I’ll look back and smile and remember how good life really was. Until I flip the page and remember…
…when life got bad. In these times, I write the most. I write the words I wouldn’t dare speak aloud and the words I can’t seem to force out. I write between the sobs and the screams, between the nightmares and the dreams. I write because my journal won’t judge me like the people out there will. My scariest thoughts, my biggest fears, my deepest regrets – I write them all down and after, I feel better. Slowly but surely, the darkness drowns out and the light floods in.
Once I’m in that place of light, I keep on writing. I remind myself that life is worth living and God is worth praising and that there are always things to be thankful for. I write about the hopes and dreams I have for my future and the steps I must take to achieve those hopes and dreams. But when I sit down and really think about, there is only one step I need to take and it’s actually quite simple: keep on writing.
So that’s why I write. To remember and to forget, to capture and to let go, to get myself out of a place of darkness and into a place of light. This is the best story I will ever write because this is the story of my crazy, beautiful life. This is why I write.
XOXO Tate ❤