Well not really. Same blog, but updated. Same blog, but with an ABOUT section. Same blog, but now I’m back after my mysterious three month disappearance. But really, I’m back and I’m back for good. I stopped blogging for a bit because I was feeling a little ashkdfjidsfsd. You ever feel that way? Well yeah, that’s how I was feeling and the creative juices don’t flow too well when I’m like that so I took a break from the blogging world. But I’m back, and I’m better and it’s a new freaking year. Woohoo.
I thought I’d start out by doing a quick little recap of this past year. I’m a big fan of letters so I decided to write one to good ol’2016.
You were the year of lessons. Sometimes you whispered them to me, sometimes you nudged them to me, and sometimes you hit me in the face with them. Whichever way, I got the point. Like the point that someone can be a GOOD person, but not YOUR person. That one took me awhile to understand. I spent a lot of 2016 with a person who was a great person, really everything I could ever ask for. But still, they weren’t my person and it took me months and months to get that. Something was missing and you don’t settle for a missing part when it comes to a soulmate. Someone can be funny and charming and spiritual and tall and creative and everything you think you want in a mate, but still, they might not be your person. 2016, you taught me the difference between the two.
2016, you taught me that things come and go. Friends, lovers, passions. Emotions, relationships, moments. Nothing lasts forever, which is both a comforting and terrifying thought. That’s why you can’t hold on to anything too tight. Before you know it, it’ll be gone. Whatever it is. All you can do is enjoy the time you have with whatever/whomever it is. The good doesn’t last forever, but the bad doesn’t either and that is something to thank the Lord for.
Oh 2016, you taught me that progress is better than perfection, that being present is better than being perfect. You taught me that perfect is plastic and boring and ultimately unattainable. Raw is better, real is better, messy is better. You taught me that I’m never going to be perfect no matter how hard I try. My body, my hair, my talents. My achievements, my grades, my recovery. I will never be perfect and that’s okay. It hadn’t been okay until this past year when you taught me to give myself a little grace and a little rest. After all, I’m only human.
2016, you taught me to chase the light, to seek the light with everything I have. You gave me a few really hard months from February to May and boy, was I living in the darkness. You taught me that chasing the light means different things. It may be getting more therapy or Jesus or blasting a little Ben Rector in the car. It may mean cuddling a kitty or writing or running to my momma for a hug. Whatever brought me light, made my soul less heavy, you taught me to run to that. 2016, I started you in the dark but thank God, I’m ending you in the light.
Last but not least, 2016 taught me that if I have Jesus, I have all I need. I started 2016 with a hard heart, a heart that was yearning for something. Purpose, passion, something to live for. Jesus became that thing. Every day, I did something to fill myself spiritually. An online sermon, a bible study, a podcast. A prayer sesh, a worship concert, a church service. Day by day, Jesus became more to me and I became less to myself. I studied Jesus’s heart, I felt his grace and forgiveness and love. Never has my faith grown as much as this year. 2016, you taught me how to be a servant, a follower, a daughter of my everlasting Father.
Okay, I know I said that was my last one, but I just have to add one more thing! And that is that 2016 taught me to run MY race. This phrase, “run my race” has been an anthem for 2016. Running my race means doing what’s best for me, not what’s best for anyone else. It’s focusing on my own unique path, my own crazy journey. 2016 seemed like the year of engagements and graduations and babies for a lot of my friends. I was overjoyed for them and yet, I couldn’t help feeling a little jealous. I had started ASU in January and dropped out a week later, I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I felt like I was doing everything wrong. That’s when this phrase came into my head. It was like Jesus was saying, “Tatum, that’s not your race. That may be her race, but it’s not yours.” This completely changed everything for me. Getting married may be right for someone right now, but not for me. Graduating college may be the next step for someone, but for me, dropping out was. Changing my major 8394 times this year was. Boyfriend or not, degree or not, accomplishments or trophies or babies or not, my one and only job is to run MY race. 2016, you were the starting blocks for my race, the race I’ll be running for the rest of my life.
“My only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me” – Acts 20:24
So that’s it 2016. You’re done, over, gone forever. Hasta la vista baby. Or hasta la pasta cause I’m feeling a little hungry. But really, when it’s all said and done, 2016 was tough year, but it wasn’t my hardest. It was a challenging year, but I came out on the other side. And by golly 2016 tried to break me, but you bet I didn’t let it.
Hope you all had a great year as well. Maybe try writing a letter to 2016 and see what comes up for you. I know my letter brought up a lot of emotions, both good and bad, so this is your friendly warning 😉 My next post will most likely be some of my New Years Resolutions and exciting stuff like that. Thanks for reading and keep coming back for more!